That weekend, Mr. Marvelous and I had to go to Nashville. Mr. Marvelous ~ being the marvelous husband that he is! ~ took me to the Opryland Mall for an outing. I was surprised that we were able to have fun, not "in spite of" but "because of" the wheelchair. I was able to explore and enjoy the whole mall instead of sitting on the benches by the front door because I was worn out from the walk from the car. Mr Marvelous did some interesting race maneuvers. Yes, I squealed! We decided to name the chair and it became The Beast.
I realized some things on that trip. I realized that people were watching me. Some surreptitiously, others a little more openly. I realized that I had a very important choice to make. I could choose to focus on myself and be consumed with being miserable, angry, depressed and generally unpleasant because things were not the way I wanted them to be. Or I could choose to focus on God, trust His overwhelming love for me, and pray each day that He would once again give me the grace of peace.
When I choose to focus on God the "stuff" of life becomes less important. Please understand; this does not mean being fake and pretending everything is fine when it is not. There are times when I have a genuine smile on my face and a thankful attitude. There are also times when I am sad, frustrated, hurt or mad. Yet when I am sad, frustrated, hurt, or mad I am also confident that my loving, gracious Heavenly Father has everything under control. Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6? I can trust Him completely to take care of me and to love me.
I messed up. A lot.
I still do. A lot!
The wheelchair is sitting in the basement these days gathering dust.
The feeding pump and walker are down there beside it.
It is nice to not be dependent on these devices. I enjoy being able to drive again. I don't know how long this good season will last. I do know that whatever my circumstances and however I feel about them, God loves me and He is NOT going to stop taking care of me.
May His peace fill your home. And may you have fun!