Dear Mr. Gore,
Writing helps me stay sane in my crazy-enough world. Blogging lets me feel connected to people, even when I don't get out much. For the past several months, I have been having problems with my internet. I know it is not my computer; Mr. Marvelous is ridiculously competent at diagnosing and correcting such problems. We also know that it is not our router (that's the little box that sits on the bookcase and sends the signal to our computers. Oh wait, you know that; you invented it).
No, Mr. Gore, the problem is with the internet itself. Remember? That thing you invented back when you were best-buds with Erich Segal and falling in love with Ali McGraw ~ or whatever.
Here is my request and deal. You fix this thing you invented so that I am able to get on the internet and write without having to worry about a 'net-jam (that's like a traffic jam except on the internet). In return, I am going to sell you some of my carbon credits at a 50% discount rate. Since we live rather modestly, raise a lot of our own food, use clotheslines, keep the thermostat set high in summer and low in winter, we have a bit of an excess. I understand that your work requires a larger lifestyle than what we maintain, so you might find yourself in a bit of a pickle periodically. I want to help out, I really do.
So you fix this internet problem, I get to write without running into a problem, you get to purchase my excess carbon credits at a deeply discounted rate, I get the satisfaction of knowing that I have helped out. It's a win for both of us!
In more ways than one.